"Real Women" A Label To Be Reckoned With

Call her 'Plus-Size,' or 'Full-Figured.' Call her 'BBW.' Regardless of what is perceived as a socially appropriate handle, today more and more Big Girls refer to themselves as 'Real Women.' It's a strong reflexive assertion, naturally engendered by the fact that so many Big Girls have been made to believe they are inferior women by the media and by peer groups. It is only fitting, then, that a rejoinder through which they assert themselves as superior women should not have been long in coming. In this post, we're going to begin looking at some of the necessary by-roads upon which the 'Real Woman' must travel in order to establish herself (or more accurately, RE-establish herself) in her rightful role as 'The Bomb.'

To begin with, the Real Woman inevitably has to learn and re-learn the mechanics of her sexual allure. Social conditioning has inculcated her with the message of her social undesirability, and this in turn becomes an integral—and thoroughly inimical—component in her complex of interactions with the world. Fortunately, today she receives far more encouragement to be herself and to openly express her sexuality than at any time in the recent past. I say ‘recent’ past because the rise of the skinny woman as female prototype was a 20th Century phenomenon, which broke with a much longer tradition of the ‘Ruben-esque’ woman as female ideal. At any rate, we now look upon modern media with a certain amount of gratitude as it has given Real Women a high-profile context in which to operate, notwithstanding the fact that it is this same media that perpetuates the image of the skinny woman as prototype. And so the media is both friend and foe to the Big Beautiful Woman in her quest for self-actualization. In my articles and essays, I always encourage Big Girls to get out there and shine as only a ceaseless campaign of ‘takin’ it to the public’ can establish them as the goddesses they so truly are. And how is this best accomplished? Through inner confidence and outer flamboyance! If a girl is going to dress to kill, she damn well better be packing ammunition! And that means exposure, purely and simply. Tight, revealing outfits do the same thing for Big Girls as they do for little girls…only better. And so, keeping sexy styling in mind, let’s take a look at what makes our well-heeled Real Woman HOT and why.

POWER. What makes them HOT is their power, and by this I mean their raw, physical power. A Big Woman is automatically endowed with this most compelling of all aphrodisiacs. She is formidable, she stands strong and solid. She is the very embodiment of permanence. She dares you to test the force of her stature. This exhibition of strength is something men find both intimidating and intensely provocative. Most men are aroused by power on some level, and I would actually argue that all men are, if only we could get them to lower their macho-man facades and get real. When he has entered into the presence of the Big Girl that knows who she is, he will experience something totally new; a woman in complete control. This aspect of her presence is something with which the Big Girl needs to become intimately acquainted. She needs to practice and cultivate her understanding of it. Power = Control. She should admire herself in the mirror often, until she is certain that she sees—and feels—the power dripping with scorching sexuality from her image, from her Being. With this power she will forever hence command any room she walks into, her movements secure, her footfall hard and imperious. This comes when she has grasped the life-affirming quality of her power and has learned how to display it with CONFIDENCE.

Confidence may be considered an addition to power, in that it is a separate entity, as is evidenced by the fact that it is quite common for people to display great confidence though lacking entirely in any appearance of power. And while a woman’s grasp of power comes mainly from an understanding of her physical presence, confidence is very much a psychological entity, something that must be harnessed in the mind. This quality is still difficult for a Big Girl to harness. The message of ‘undesirability’ has taken the form of underlying structure and in many cases continues to remain an obstacle to self-actualization because it has had long years to become deeply imbedded in her psyche. Though she knows now that there is a large group of men that find her infinitely more attractive than the skinny girl, she feels an inward suspicion that the skinny-lovers are still right—that they represent some imagined form of objective ‘truth,’—while feeling at the same time that the men who DO adore them are fetish freaks whose opinions somehow don’t really count. Pretty serious self-esteem issue, isn’t it? No matter how many men fall at your feet, you still feel inadequate. Well, it takes a lot of doing to unravel some of the bullshit that’s laid on us as we’re growing up.

Just what, then, does it take to unravel it? Is it simply a matter of repetition? Does a Big Beautiful Woman have to hear ‘You’re Hot’ as many times as she’s previously heard ‘You’re Fat’ before her emotional centers register ‘even’ on her internal scoreboard? That’s an easy assumption to make if her self-awareness is created solely from the content of what she’s heard all her life. But the truth is that the subject is considerably more complex than that, and as a result, our plush goddess becomes a woman of power through channels other than repetition of opinion. For the blessed few, confidence and attitude are part of their personalities. These few have always been tough, they genuinely value themselves highly, and their ultra-sexy swagger is a real thing. This, however, does not represent the majority of big girls. Even among relatively high-profile BBW nude models, we see insecurity manifested regularly. This insecurity is most evident in video clips. As these women are strutting their stuff for the cameras, their expressions, and often their physical gestures as well, betray their lack of self-confidence. They are having a hard time believing that they are really ALL THAT. All too often they even break into the sort of nervous giggling that reflects their confusion at what they are doing. They want to make the most of the opportunity to flaunt their sexuality, but they don’t really believe that they ARE sexy. A sense of embarrassment takes over, and it is very easy to detect as we watch them. Attitude is so important, and though these women are exceptionally gorgeous, the overall sensual effect is destroyed by their own inability to perceive it and believe it.

And so we are left with our question: From whence comes this confidence? How does our voluptuous vixen make the transition from outcast to sex kitten? Two key words apply here. Perception and Awareness. Perception has to do with the way we relate to and interact with the world. Awareness has to do with the expansion of consciousness and the self-appropriation of subsequent insights that empower us to ALTER our perception in line with our own positive development and with the higher truths regarding our views of the world.

Join me for Part II as we investigate the concepts of Perception and Awareness.